Terms of Doom

[Verse 1]
I woke up to a group chat storm
My landlord’s avatar wore a crown
The toaster said, “You’ve been reborn,”
Then Wi-Fi quietly let me down
A dancing hamster sold my name
For seven likes and a coupon code
I blamed the moon, I blamed the app
I blamed the guy who made the road

[Pre-Chorus]
The captcha asked if I was real
I clicked the bus, it made me kneel

[Chorus]
I’m going viral in the wrong direction
Pinned to a post with a bad connection
Everybody’s laughing, nobody knows
Why my little green frog wears my clothes
I hit “accept” on the terms of doom
Now there’s a sponsored ad inside my room
If this is heaven, please mute the chat
And tell the algorithm I’m not built for that

[Verse 2]
My therapist sent a reaction pic
A raccoon staring through the glass
I said, “I think my life feels cursed”
They said, “Have you tried touching grass?”
I walked outside, the pavement lagged
A pigeon spawned beside the bin
It offered me a side quest badge
I took it, and the weeds logged in

[Pre-Chorus]
The captcha asked me once again
To prove I’m not three raccoons in a trench coat, friend

[Chorus]
I’m going viral in the wrong direction
Pinned to a post with a bad connection
Everybody’s laughing, nobody knows
Why my little green frog wears my clothes
I hit “accept” on the terms of doom
Now there’s a sponsored ad inside my room
If this is heaven, please mute the chat
And tell the algorithm I’m not built for that

[Bridge]
At midnight, all the memes came true
The dancing crab asked what I’d do
I said, “I’ll make a spreadsheet, then
Pretend I’m fine and scroll again”
The ancient doge appeared in gold
And whispered, “Much regret, very old”
I tried to laugh, I tried to flee
But autoplay had a plan for me

[Final Chorus]
I’m going viral in the wrong direction
Pinned to a post with a bad connection
Everybody’s laughing, now I know
The little green frog’s been running the show
I hit “accept” on the terms of doom
The sponsored ad redecorated my room
If this is heaven, let the record show:
I turned off notifications—then they found me though

[Outro]
The captcha blinked beneath the sun:
“Select every square that contains fun.”

darkly comic indie pop, theatrical alternative singer-songwriter, brisk swung groove, plucked acoustic guitar with warped toy piano, dry punchy drums, rubbery bass, sudden half-time bridge, dramatic intimate male vocal, sardonic delivery, compact hook-forward arrangement, slightly lo-fi handmade mix